A New Decade: Make It Count!

It’s not only that this year has almost come to an end, giving us a chance to reflect upon the events from the last twelve months within our lives; it is that a whole decade is coming to a close. 10 years of our lives (10 years of this blog!).  

I recognise that I am totally biased towards being someone who thinks that one should do more than exist, but I’d challenge those of you bumping along to ask yourself if you are happy with how you have lived the last year; last ten years? Are there aspects of your life that you feel you could have done a better job? Or taken a different approach? Would you be more content if you had? If you had that conversation? Taken that risk? Been that bit more vulnerable and open? Do you instead feel you are a victim of your circumstances? Do you have that “why me?” feeling?

Fair enough if you have taken the time to reflect and are perfectly content within your comfort zone. That is a choice, as well and one that works for many. However, if you look back and recognise that you could have/ should have done more, or something,  or differently, then I’ve got a challenge for you.

Make this next decade count! 

Effectively these next paragraphs of call to action are going to be a collection of sayings accumulated in my past 10 years of reflection and experience. I’m sure there is some quoting credit that is meant to be done; however, this fondue-pot of experience has assimilated, thus apologies in advance. Here it goes. 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”. 

Well, in my full reality and in some situations, you might die, but I’d challenge most of you to rationally recognise that actually dying in pursuit of your own personal challenge will not kill you. And for those of you who are on a pursuit of more of an extreme goal or endeavour, where the risk of death is actual, then there are ways to mitigate the risk through thorough preparation. Please take the time to be thoroughly prepared, for when the worst happens. 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”, in regards to taking a risk in leaving your job, speaking to that person you’ve been avoiding, taking control of your health, etc, etc, does not likely have a chance of death. Perhaps instead there is a chance of rejection, or too large of an effort, or failure of some sort, but you will still be alive the next day to try something else, or go back to your old ways, if that suits you better. What is important though, is that you tried. You don't get what you don't ask for. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... okay, that one is Gretzky for sure.

Our minds naturally catastrophise to the worst possible outcome we can imagine, usually humiliation or rejection, but what is so bad about that? It sucks to feel rejected or ashamed, but that is a momentary reaction. You can choose to not feel that way. So what if someone doesn’t like you? There are over 7 billion people in this world, I’m sure there is someone out there who thinks you’re awesome. YOU should think YOU are awesome without needing that validation from others. Find your self-worth. Value your self. 

Or, so what if that diet/ exercise/ communication style didn’t work for you? Try another approach. Why not try a completely different approach, rather than more of the same? Someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It’s likely that if you are continuously disappointed with the outcome, you are probably going through the same recipe, just trying different ingredients. Why not try a different WAY instead? Stop being a serial complainer and be brave enough to have happiness and contentment in your life.  Be brave enough to do it a different way.

I can share that a different outlook and approach has certainly helped me grow and progress... after getting fed up of the same outcome, after “trying to change”, I actually took the time to listen to other perspectives. 

What?!? 

My way isn’t always the best way?! 

Well, if you are someone who likes to challenge, then you can only be a good challenger by accepting that there are other ways to get to the goal. Try it on. See how it feels? Stick with it for a period long enough to decipher if this other way is a better way, or not. Challenge back on experience rather than the hypothetical. 

Are you being your best self? 

A great friend of mine said you should trade upwards in your relationships. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so what circles are you swimming in? Are you swimming at all? Metaphorically? Like are you on the observation deck or in the pool? And physically? In the script of Mr. Robot: are you a 1 or a 0? Are you a doer or not? 

Okay, so I’m not quite ready to jump on the triathlon bandwagon, but if I keep hanging out with people who are, I’m sure I’ll be doing my own swimming... well, maybe in another decade. The point is, I am hanging out with people who want more, have more, have goals, want more than where they are today. More physicality, more enjoyment, more out of life! 

What is also important is that the circles I am attracted to are also grateful! Glass-half-full-love-lifers. Please don’t mistake my ambition and drive for dissatisfaction about my circumstances. Robin once asked me what am I grateful for, and it was easy to answer: I’m grateful to be born where I was, when I was, in the family I have. Everything that I am now is growth from those relatively affluent (compared to the rest of the world) circumstances. 

Visit a third world country more than once in your life if you feel like your life is too hard. Heck, visit the inner city of wherever you currently live and empathise with those who have less. If you have, sometimes being your best self is helping those who have not in whatever capacity that resonates strongest with you. 

Make it personal. Make it real. 

If you’re not enlisted to the core, what’s the point? Goals become successes when you’re enlisted; living and breathing whatever betterment you are trying to achieve. Don’t let your goals become tasks or just another item on your to-do list that you will get around to. I recognise I am preaching about making goals (another great friend told me I am addicted to goal setting which I completely accept), but your goals don’t need to be lofty, Nobel Prize winning efforts. Rather, they are personal commitments to making your life a little better, or maybe different. Robin used to make three goals a year: one for his relationships, one for his well-being, and one massive challenge. Start small with something you know you are likely to achieve. Achievement feels nice... don't you want to feel a little more warm and fuzzy? 

Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start: be a better listener, learn about and practice empathy, stop judging people.

Make your to-do list and goals real. 

If it’s in your head, it doesn’t exist. Once it’s written, or spoken to another, then it’s real. Make your goals real. Make your thoughts real. Make your opinions real. Stop living in your own reality and realise that you are not alone... even if you are super introverted and wish you were alone. I’d like to challenge (as an experienced introvert and introvert whisperer), that even if those moments where you truly need to be alone are numerous, they are not the only moments of your life. You are 1 in 7 (ish) billion, mull over that. 

Share the goal. 

Share the journey.

Share the experience. 

You are not the only one this has happened to. You are not the only one thinking the way you are. Your thoughts are not original (heard from Tony Robbins) Perhaps you helping others, being your better or best self, is sharing your experience to help others with their journey. 

So what’s it going to be? 

What page do you chose to turn to? 

How will you be different? Or better? Or even the best you can be? In whichever facet of your life that might be. 

Make this next decade count!

P.S. 

If you feel like you need a bit of support in setting goals, message me and we can chat! 

P.P.S: 

And in the spirit of sharing and making it real, here are some of my goals for the next year to kick-off the decade: 

• get my 6-Star Medal (follow me on Instagram @xtynspix
• Run the Everest Marathon (and get closure Nepal). You can join me in Nepal for the trek to Everest Base Camp, and/or to run the marathon if you are that way inclined)... message me for details at kristyncarriere@hotmail.com
• Launch 7 Summits Snacks: my legacy chocolate-snacking company inspired in part by Robin’s endeavours. Done with two other fabulous women, Christine and my sister, Leanna. Website and dedicated write up coming soon. Follow us on Instagram @7summitsnacks

Well... that wasn't in the plan

Well… that wasn’t in the plan.

If you would have asked me just over a month ago, how the next two years of my life were going to pan out, I would have told you: 

• get my Boston Qualifying Time
• run Tokyo 2020
• run Boston 2020 (getting my 6-Star medal)
• celebrate by getting pregnant
• have a baby
• move home
• establish a new family near to the Rockies
• go out on a limb with a new do-it-myself job. 

Of course, all presupposing that was to happen with my best friend, partner, and soulmate, Robin. Also of course, fully recognizing that this plan might not exactly happen, I made a contingency baby plan in case I didn’t get my BQ until later in 2019, thus qualifying me for Boston 2021. Robin’s big plan for 2019 was to summit Mount Everest. His further plans were to support me on my marathon journey and next on the list for him was to swim the Channel whilst we were still on this Island.

I guess the universe had another idea. 

Sagarmatha was hungry this year and seemingly claimed a life on each day an aspiring climber made an attempt. On May 25th, 2019, Robin achieved his 2019 goal, unfortunately it was his turn to succumb to the “Goddess of the Sky” at “the Peak of Heaven” as Everest, or Sagarmatha is known to the Nepalese.

Queue a big, sad, heavy sigh.

What happened?! 

I do mean this literally, but not as much as I mean it figuratively in a questioning-the-universe sense. I’m not here to decode the former to you, as there are questions we will never be able to  factually answer. I can sit and create theories all day long, but that won’t serve me, nor fellow man. I am also not sweeping this event under the carpet, choosing to revisit Robin’s created shared-memories as they do offer support in a positive way. Oh, and with the passing of your partner when they were more than the average man, comes another Everest of paperwork to decode- I couldn’t responsibly run away if I tried.

Why am I writing/ sharing with you then?

A few reasons: writing is somewhat cathartic for me, I want to put my gratitude out to the world, and I want those of you who know me to know that I AM okay.

I want to start by being grateful for everyone in my life and saying the biggest, heartfelt thank you.

Thank you to my family who were there for me in a heartbeat- on the phone, and in person. Reasons why to save up all of your airline points- so you can get your sisters shipped out here- stat! In times of great adversity, it’s comforting to be with those who really know and get you. There are only 3 people in my life who do… Leanna, Nadia, and Robin. My sisters know… they know when I need a moment, they know when I need a glass of wine, they know when I need to go for a run, they know when I need the house tidied. They didn’t ask. They just did. They did everything I possibly needed, including bringing light when we were all hurting inside. Bringing light, just as Robin did, too.

Thank you to Robin's family, my extended family and close friends. You’ve been with me emotionally. You’ve spent time with me (in person and virtually), sending me your support and deep compassion. Thank you to those who have stopped by. Thank you to those who sent video messages. Thank you to those who have cooked for me, sent flowers, and offered up meaningful support in the form of running, climbing, or a good ol’ chat. I can’t even convey the gratitude I have towards those of you who took the extra moments to share their feelings with me; not only in the instant I became bereaved, but also continuously. 

Thank you to everyone else, literally in the world, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances of me AND of Robin who took the time to send their condolences, support, and kind memories. These moments that you shared with Robin, and have now shared with me and his family are so touching. For a man who self-declared as a hermit more often than you might think, you would never have guessed it from the outpouring of support we have received.

All of this support is as overwhelming to me as the event itself. Perhaps as I am usually an emotional robot that doesn’t quite feel as deeply as those around her; perhaps as I would be the one that doesn’t know what to say to someone like me and might refrain. To these last people in my life that I know, thank you- Thank you for thinking of me. Your support is still felt (this robot is a bit broken these days) and recognized.

…

How have I been doing? Processing?

Day-by-day, as cliche as that is. Wanting to, but being cognisant, of making major life decisions. I’ve been happy. I’ve been sad. Pensive, patient, impatient, longing, heartbroken, hopeful. I’ve been all of the emotions in the past month. In the moment that I found out, I felt pure disbelief. It was another set of words on a page that were similar to the words on a page I had been reading each day previously. Numb. As the day went on, and calls, messages, and requests for interviews came in, I remained numb. I heard others crying, but shed few tears myself. My brain went into it’s system-default logistician mode. I had practical matters consuming 80% of the CPU, 10% for basic living functions, and 10% for emotional processing mostly fuelled by clinging to a t-shirt that smelled of Robin. The person I wanted most to heal me with his hug was gone. The smell of his t-shirt was the closest I could get to feeling safe in his arms. One of the reasons why I valued Robin so much was because he always made me feel safe and looked-after. 

Days go by, as do the various stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), and unlike the suggested cycle of this framework, I was (and am) experiencing aspects of these stages in all sorts of levels and orders. In time I might find that they are generally lived out in the theme of the framework; however, until now, I get bouts of each. Denial being the most amusing, mostly because it’s funny (as a rational being) where your brain goes ie:

• One week later: Maybe Robin will do a Beck Weathers and make his way down the mountain?
• Two weeks later: Maybe this was one of those jokes where Robin crosses the line and doesn’t know he has and he will show up at his memorial to make sure we did a good job?
• Three weeks later: Maybe David Blaine will bring Robin back from the dead?

Yeah- all completely irrational and somewhat amusing. I must say though, these feelings of denial have pretty much dried up, which painfully is opening room for depression. Depression feeling more like periods of heavy sadness. The sadness that I wasn’t feeling in the first two weeks, whilst many people warned me that the hard times were yet to come. Okay, they’re here, and it looks like I am living the general framework in the end. Acceptance. Lol!

Don’t be worried about me, though. If sadness is the strongest emotion I am currently feeling, it is not the most frequently expressed emotion, or state rather. 

I am okay. Genuinely.

And not in the: “i’m fine” keeping-up-appearances way.

Okay, I’m not ready to go back to my day-job as of yet (referring to the Everest mountain of paperwork I’ve inherited), but mostly because I am grateful to be alive! I am alive! I have a life to live! The thing I look forward to the most each day is how I am going to use my body. The milestones on my goal list don’t actually need to change (except for the baby goal, but even that I could buy if I really wanted to be a stickler). Those who preach that exercise is good for your mental wellbeing are right. As well, Robin would have abhorred me sitting on my butt getting into a downward spiral of inactivity and latency. Your spirit lives on, good Sir. It always will inside of me. That was a part of our kindred flame: we are Achievers! Thank you for enabling me to pursue my deep-rooted dreams and aspirations. 

In the meantime, I still wake each morning with a brief paralysation and recognition of the sadness that I hold with the loss of my partner-in-crime, get my ass out of bed, pass much time each day learning my new role as an executor of Robin’s wishes, shake my ass outside or in the gym (reference to Joseph McClendon III), pay respect to our memories created with Robin, work on my future, un-wine-d, and look at a very few special moments as I try to trigger dreams of Robin whilst I rest. 
See… I am okay. It doesn’t mean you should stop calling, though ;-)

He will always be on my shoulder.

What it’s like to trek to Everest (with pics!)

Hello to you a little further along on our adventure, one sleep away from EBC (Everest Base Camp), and at an altitude higher than any peak in Western Europe. I’m writing from a village called Lobuche, which is either 5030m or 4930m or 4920m depending on which sign you read ; in any case, we are creeping our way higher and higher to reach our goals.

Dal Baht

I thought I’d keep this one a bit more factual and write about the day-to-day that we have been experiencing on our trek thus far. The walk itself is similar yet not entirely the  “same same” as at the start: the terrain has turned rugged and the temperatures brisk. We have been graced with powerful sunshine in the mornings to counteract the cold wind that lightly blows. Our late afternoons have inevitably turned cloudy with light precipitation (light rain, hail, or snow) hiding the jagged peaks that surround us. If we weren’t sitting in a shipping container heated by the residual sunlight from the day, I could look out my bedroom window now and think we might be in the Lake District as the clouds hide the majesty that awaits us. Those real views will need to wait until the sunny morning, instead.

Accommodation at Phadking (2610m)

vs. Accommodation at Lobuche (4930m)

The standard of accommodation certainly has declined since Namche, everything is far more rustic. The paint in the Tea House less vibrant, the integrity of the stone brickwork a little lighter revealing the graining in the single plywood walls we often sleep within. The Western toilets have also seemed to have been left in Namche: the last thing you want to do when you’ve trekked uphill 14km is do another round of squats 🙈. Actually, one of the reasons why it’s mainly floor cisterns vs toilets is because a Porter or yak otherwise needs to haul the Western comforts all this way that I have been describing so far. And to be fair, I expected to squat from the start and have been spoiled with the availability of Western luxuries for the first part of the trek. The other reason is because there seems to be only ground source water from Namche onwards; running taps are scarce. Toilets are flushed by bucket- there is a jug in a plastic barrel of water for your to wash away your business. There have been shower facilities at a few of the stops where a Tea House Manager has invested in a gas boiler to heat the water pipe through a shower. Of course these are usually in a metal shack just outside the main building- I guess you don’t want a risk of a gas leak in your plywood Tea House.

The Tea Houses or Lodges are all in a similar format. A piled-stone facade or outer frame, with a metal corrugated roof. The interior walls usually made of studs and plywood, except where we are now in Lobuche, the walls look like that of a shipping container/ port-a-office. In any case, the walls are thin and leave you only imagining how your group mates must be sitting in their room as you overhear their conversations. 

Plywood style room. 

Some Tea Houses have a sort of carpet, some do not. The bedrooms are usually two twin mattresses on a wooden frame of sorts. They have all had a sheet covering the foam, and many of the rooms we stayed in had a thick comforter and pillow. Hearing accounts of people catching pink eye from the bedding and seeing bits of debris, we cover our pillow, or use our own, and sleep in our clothes. The latter necessary as the bedrooms are far away from the only heating source in the structure, so tend to be ambient (-5 - +2C so far). Some of our group mates stick to using their own sleeping bags, instead. There is just enough space for you to place your bags and unpack.

The last main features to the Tea Houses are the common spaces next the the rudimentary kitchens. The kitchens look like a slight improvement to those you see in Medieval castles: a chopping place, with some fire sources along the sides to do the cooking. The main upgrade is the line of gas fired camp stoves used as the fire source. 

Industrial oven for chocolate cake at Cafe 4410 Dingboche (+ free phone charging)

There tends to be at least one bakery per village; and amazingly, I have seen industrial ovens along the way. Again, these rare ovens, and gas bottles, and food, and everything need hauling up the mountain as you may remember I previously mentioned there are no roads past Lukla. 

Pony Express

Food and drink consumables tend to be brought up by Human Porter, usually Nepalese men (although we’ve seen some instances of #shecan) in loads up to 50kg. They fill baskets which are looped around their foreheads, wear whatever shoes or flip flops they own, and make the same grind as the tourists so that the tourists can drink bottled water and eat the chocolate they know. One observation in regards to the younger porters and animal herders is that on the surface they seem no different to Western Millennials. They are totally up to date with pop culture: everyone has a smart phone, and a lot of the young Sherpa have man buns, stretched, studded earlobes and stylish clothes, yet living facilities throughout the countryside are still primitive in places. 

Porters carry loads up to 100lb/ 50kg. ALL of the food and consumables.

The food itself has been better than expected and the portions absolutely massive. Each day we have a choice from a menu, with perhaps 20 breakfast items and 50 different lunch/dinner items. Each meal the cooks are able to prepare all of these combinations for us in usually one hour. We are a group of 16 Westerners and 4 Sherpa, so 20 different dinner orders, often with people ordering two choices, shows up piping hot and delicious without fail. There are two routines that help this process along; one, we write our choices in a ledger, and 2, just as we finish our meal, we make our choices for the next meal. As we finish lunch, we choose our dinner; as we finish dinner, we choose our breakfasts. Then it’s out for the day and we repeat at the next Tea House. 

What have we been eating? Breakfasts are usually combinations of pancakes, eggs, omelettes, or porridge. Lunch and dinner is broken into two categories. The first, side dishes: often soups, Sherpa stew (seems to be all the leftovers in a stew base), momos (like gyoza), and spring rolls. Then there are the main dishes: rice, egg noodles, or potato base fried with egg, cabbage, carrot, garlic, onion, sometimes meat and spices. There is usually also pizza and  pasta noodles on the menu topped with tomato sauce and yak cheese. There is also the more traditional yak meat options and well-known dal baht. Dal baht is a green lentil soup/curry, bowl of rice, side of lightly spiced curry fried vegetables, and if you’re lucky topped with a poppadom. This is the standard curry of Nepal and mainly what the Sherpa eat.

There is always tea: black and milk tea (black tea sweetened with sugar and Nak milk)

Sherpa Stew

Going back to the common spaces at the Tea Houses, where many people spend most of their time because they are extroverts or its warmer than the bedrooms, this is where we meet, eat, play cards, recount previous trekking experiences, and buy WiFi. I say buy WiFi because even when it has been purchased, a usable connection is not always available.  The system often goes down because either 20+ trekkers are all trying to update their blogs and instagram posts or there is no power because the towers use solar energy and it’s cloudy in the afternoon.

Yak dung fuelled stove

The sales counter 

The space itself is a large open room, with what looks to be a wood burning stove in the middle. This stove is actually fuelled by dried out yak dung which provides a slow burning, consistent heat to the main common space. There are tables in front of the benches that line the sides of the space, also with windows to the beautiful surroundings. There is a payment counter and tuck shop in the space where you can purchase water, chocolate, Pringles, cookies and beer. This counter is also usually the gateway to the kitchen. The space is often decorated with pictures of the various mountain ranges in the area, an ode to the Dalai Lama, and flags and stickers from various worldwide trekking companies that have passed through.  The common space is a cozy and relatively luxurious place to spend a couple of hours with your fellow trekkers rather than retreating to the confines of your cold, box bedroom.

Food ledger

Common space

Each Tea House also sells a variety of services, where the price has been increasing as we go further and further. The comparative basket of goods would be to track the price of: a 1L bottle of water (100 - 300 rupees), WiFi (200 - 600 rupees and dependent on solar power), a gas shower (200 - 700 rupees), and battery charging, which comes in all sorts of combinations of prices per item or duration of charge. All seem to be the little things that make the trek a little easier along the way.

Now we depart what I’m sure will feel like the luxury of the Tea Houses for our tents at EBC. The anticipation of what is to come is high as we get ready for our 6 hour trek in. I’d love to say I have an understanding of what the next week will entail; however, expectation management information is about as reliable as the WiFi. When in Nepal, best to be in the moment.