A New Decade: Make It Count!

It’s not only that this year has almost come to an end, giving us a chance to reflect upon the events from the last twelve months within our lives; it is that a whole decade is coming to a close. 10 years of our lives (10 years of this blog!).  

I recognise that I am totally biased towards being someone who thinks that one should do more than exist, but I’d challenge those of you bumping along to ask yourself if you are happy with how you have lived the last year; last ten years? Are there aspects of your life that you feel you could have done a better job? Or taken a different approach? Would you be more content if you had? If you had that conversation? Taken that risk? Been that bit more vulnerable and open? Do you instead feel you are a victim of your circumstances? Do you have that “why me?” feeling?

Fair enough if you have taken the time to reflect and are perfectly content within your comfort zone. That is a choice, as well and one that works for many. However, if you look back and recognise that you could have/ should have done more, or something,  or differently, then I’ve got a challenge for you.

Make this next decade count! 

Effectively these next paragraphs of call to action are going to be a collection of sayings accumulated in my past 10 years of reflection and experience. I’m sure there is some quoting credit that is meant to be done; however, this fondue-pot of experience has assimilated, thus apologies in advance. Here it goes. 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”. 

Well, in my full reality and in some situations, you might die, but I’d challenge most of you to rationally recognise that actually dying in pursuit of your own personal challenge will not kill you. And for those of you who are on a pursuit of more of an extreme goal or endeavour, where the risk of death is actual, then there are ways to mitigate the risk through thorough preparation. Please take the time to be thoroughly prepared, for when the worst happens. 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”, in regards to taking a risk in leaving your job, speaking to that person you’ve been avoiding, taking control of your health, etc, etc, does not likely have a chance of death. Perhaps instead there is a chance of rejection, or too large of an effort, or failure of some sort, but you will still be alive the next day to try something else, or go back to your old ways, if that suits you better. What is important though, is that you tried. You don't get what you don't ask for. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... okay, that one is Gretzky for sure.

Our minds naturally catastrophise to the worst possible outcome we can imagine, usually humiliation or rejection, but what is so bad about that? It sucks to feel rejected or ashamed, but that is a momentary reaction. You can choose to not feel that way. So what if someone doesn’t like you? There are over 7 billion people in this world, I’m sure there is someone out there who thinks you’re awesome. YOU should think YOU are awesome without needing that validation from others. Find your self-worth. Value your self. 

Or, so what if that diet/ exercise/ communication style didn’t work for you? Try another approach. Why not try a completely different approach, rather than more of the same? Someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It’s likely that if you are continuously disappointed with the outcome, you are probably going through the same recipe, just trying different ingredients. Why not try a different WAY instead? Stop being a serial complainer and be brave enough to have happiness and contentment in your life.  Be brave enough to do it a different way.

I can share that a different outlook and approach has certainly helped me grow and progress... after getting fed up of the same outcome, after “trying to change”, I actually took the time to listen to other perspectives. 

What?!? 

My way isn’t always the best way?! 

Well, if you are someone who likes to challenge, then you can only be a good challenger by accepting that there are other ways to get to the goal. Try it on. See how it feels? Stick with it for a period long enough to decipher if this other way is a better way, or not. Challenge back on experience rather than the hypothetical. 

Are you being your best self? 

A great friend of mine said you should trade upwards in your relationships. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so what circles are you swimming in? Are you swimming at all? Metaphorically? Like are you on the observation deck or in the pool? And physically? In the script of Mr. Robot: are you a 1 or a 0? Are you a doer or not? 

Okay, so I’m not quite ready to jump on the triathlon bandwagon, but if I keep hanging out with people who are, I’m sure I’ll be doing my own swimming... well, maybe in another decade. The point is, I am hanging out with people who want more, have more, have goals, want more than where they are today. More physicality, more enjoyment, more out of life! 

What is also important is that the circles I am attracted to are also grateful! Glass-half-full-love-lifers. Please don’t mistake my ambition and drive for dissatisfaction about my circumstances. Robin once asked me what am I grateful for, and it was easy to answer: I’m grateful to be born where I was, when I was, in the family I have. Everything that I am now is growth from those relatively affluent (compared to the rest of the world) circumstances. 

Visit a third world country more than once in your life if you feel like your life is too hard. Heck, visit the inner city of wherever you currently live and empathise with those who have less. If you have, sometimes being your best self is helping those who have not in whatever capacity that resonates strongest with you. 

Make it personal. Make it real. 

If you’re not enlisted to the core, what’s the point? Goals become successes when you’re enlisted; living and breathing whatever betterment you are trying to achieve. Don’t let your goals become tasks or just another item on your to-do list that you will get around to. I recognise I am preaching about making goals (another great friend told me I am addicted to goal setting which I completely accept), but your goals don’t need to be lofty, Nobel Prize winning efforts. Rather, they are personal commitments to making your life a little better, or maybe different. Robin used to make three goals a year: one for his relationships, one for his well-being, and one massive challenge. Start small with something you know you are likely to achieve. Achievement feels nice... don't you want to feel a little more warm and fuzzy? 

Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start: be a better listener, learn about and practice empathy, stop judging people.

Make your to-do list and goals real. 

If it’s in your head, it doesn’t exist. Once it’s written, or spoken to another, then it’s real. Make your goals real. Make your thoughts real. Make your opinions real. Stop living in your own reality and realise that you are not alone... even if you are super introverted and wish you were alone. I’d like to challenge (as an experienced introvert and introvert whisperer), that even if those moments where you truly need to be alone are numerous, they are not the only moments of your life. You are 1 in 7 (ish) billion, mull over that. 

Share the goal. 

Share the journey.

Share the experience. 

You are not the only one this has happened to. You are not the only one thinking the way you are. Your thoughts are not original (heard from Tony Robbins) Perhaps you helping others, being your better or best self, is sharing your experience to help others with their journey. 

So what’s it going to be? 

What page do you chose to turn to? 

How will you be different? Or better? Or even the best you can be? In whichever facet of your life that might be. 

Make this next decade count!

P.S. 

If you feel like you need a bit of support in setting goals, message me and we can chat! 

P.P.S: 

And in the spirit of sharing and making it real, here are some of my goals for the next year to kick-off the decade: 

• get my 6-Star Medal (follow me on Instagram @xtynspix
• Run the Everest Marathon (and get closure Nepal). You can join me in Nepal for the trek to Everest Base Camp, and/or to run the marathon if you are that way inclined)... message me for details at kristyncarriere@hotmail.com
• Launch 7 Summits Snacks: my legacy chocolate-snacking company inspired in part by Robin’s endeavours. Done with two other fabulous women, Christine and my sister, Leanna. Website and dedicated write up coming soon. Follow us on Instagram @7summitsnacks

Terrr-RAH... I’m off to activate my purpose.

After 9 years, 7 months, and almost three handfuls of days; two different companies, two sides of the channel, and 28 countries visited, I’m leaving my second home of Birmingham to return back to my first. 

I can also say that I probably have not consistently lived in Edmonton since 2002, which boosts those stats to 17 years minus 1 month and a total of 47 countries slept in during that period.  When did I get so old to be able to say “I did that almost 20 years ago!” 😱Especially when it still feels like I embarked on my travel journey only yesterday.  Oh wait, I seem to have forgotten the three years I went to University year circa 2006 - 2009. Well, "10 years ago" is certainly better.

I have been away almost as long as I have lived in my hometown, yet I’m inclined to still call Edmonton my home town. The concept of home to those who are nomadic is fascinating. I wrote about it several years ago, thinking that home is where your stuff is, and/ or, it is where your special someone resides, meaning that wherever you are in the world, you are “home” when you’re with those you love. I’ve been contemplating if I feel the need to revise that definition or not, especially with my stuff literally being shipped for an indefinite amount of time across the Atlantic. Even with the reunification of said stuff, I’ll likely be residing with family for a further indefinite amount of time, all surmounting to the feeling of constant nomadship for the foreseeable future. At least being in the proximity of my family, thus those who love me, allows me to feel at home in one sense of my definition. 

Nomadic in address and in life’s upcoming path, this is likely to be the first time in my life that I can’t say I know how I’m going to get to where I want to go. I have some pipe dreams I want to activate and a few concrete dates in the calendar, although I probably cannot reliably tell you what is on the agenda tomorrow. I will however, be releasing info on my adventure plans for you to follow and join as they arise. 

Axiom alert: For years and years I’ve lived the belief that details equal success, and that has served me to get me where I am today, yet having been shook to the core with the loss of Robin, I’m trying on the idea that doors will open so long as I remain so. Perhaps life is screaming at me to enjoy the journey and to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I wonder if my basic need for certainty will override this program at some point in time?

Admitting to, by writing this (the uncertainty around my day to day and learning to be open to the journey) reminds me of my core ethics, which I have permanently etched on my being: to live a life of reason, full of purpose and self esteem. I guess that’s me looking for certainty already as a coping mechanism. I definitely have purpose in my life with my upcoming goals, and I’m full of the confidence that will be needed to execute them. It’s the reminder to be objective in the times I feel overwhelmed that I’m grasping as I write; as well, to use my senses and take in what is around me to be grateful and feed my sense purpose. 

In the meantime as I make my second attempt at a Kr-exit, I’d like to reflect and share a few things that I think makes England such a great and “interesting” (in the true, not “English” sense of the word) place to live. 

• It’s green! Not grey. Many lament about the dull sky, lacking in sunshine, however, without the moisture, the abundance of deep green, hedge-lined fields would not be so. You only need to drive a small way from the city to appreciate the vista of rolling hills; the vista that I regularly gaze out on to when sitting on one of the very many trains over the years. Any time I venture away, this green scene puts a smile on my face. Perhaps next time you’re feeling as grey as the sky, I’d invite you to shift your gaze a little and take a moment to appreciate the life you can actually see around you.

• The English. Here I mean the English who have been here for many, many generations. Those who on the surface live their unassuming daily lives, they get on with it, they don’t tend to rock the boat. But when given good reason (or excuse), do things with more gusto than the average alien passerby might expect. They go big! They are the Mums who have their bottle each of rosé on the dance floor when they have their annual night off a year; they are the Lads and Dads who swap their daily uniforms to don facepaint and fancy dress to support their teams; they are all the Folk who, when you give them a cause, will go to bat without question to support others, in charity, in community, in nation. I suppose what I love about the English is the element of a surprise factor leading to the extrapolated notion and reminder that one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. 

• The People. Here I mean my people. My friends, colleagues, and special acquaintances I have met along the way. Some of you are English, others are people like me who have ventured to this island for some reasons of their own. People who have had and still have dreams and see the UK as a land of possibility. My friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who appreciate this land in which they live and use what it has to offer to move forward in life. Thank you my friends for enriching my life in ways that have helped to form who I am and the life I will create. Some of you I’ve know for almost 10 years, some less, and some who I will continue to value and connect with over the next 10 years because you have a special place in my life. 

With that I say “ta ra” (for now) to this green gem of a land. I’m not sure when I will be back, but I have a feeling that I will return, and in closing I’d like to leave you with a quote of what purpose means to me: 

“purpose serves to integrate all the other concerns of a man’s life. It establishes the hierarchy, the relative importance, of his values, it saves him from pointless inner conflicts, it permits him to enjoy life on a wide scale and to carry that enjoyment into any area open to his mind; whereas a man without a purpose is lost in chaos.” Ayn Rand

Feeling Grateful

Two months on from my last blog and it’s time to string you along a little bit more as some of my plans are coming together. I seem to keep teasing you with the idea of slowing down to go faster, and I’ve now hit what might be the peak of slowing down (work wise) as I get set up for the next chapter in this book of mine. 

So, what’s happened? 

I’m on Garden Leave (a UK thing) as I'm switching jobs at the moment. I am still going to be making chocolate and chocolate products, just for the competition… details to follow when appropriate. And for those of you who don’t know what Garden Leave is, it's called so because you are technically still employed during your notice period, but because it is for a competitor, you can't go into work. You are supposed to stay home and not speak with people from work, so you "forget" what you learned. In essence, I have ultimately stopped working until the middle of May. 

It feels like the calm before the storm at the moment, and I’ve taken some time to reflect on getting to this point as I choose to move forward to the next chapter. In this time, I have realised how grateful I am for my experiences until now and this is what I want to share with you today: a couple of things I am grateful for in my life.

What I’m firstly grateful for: people who support me.

Most specifically my family and partner. 

I always thought family should unconditionally support you in your endeavours, but I’ve realised after a course I took (the Landmark Forum), that this is not always a give-in. Many people in this world have disjointed and unsupportive families, and from this I’m very thankful for the family that I have. Wherever I have been on this globe, my family has been there for me- at the end of the phone, text, or e-mail. When I’ve been on a physical challenge, they’ve been there to cheer me on. When I’ve been on a learning adventure, they’ve been there to listen and accept me for who I am.  When I have a bump in the road, they are on the end of FaceTime to support me emotionally. What I’ve reflected on in my time off in the past month is that I know that I am unconditionally supported by my family (where others may not be) which enables me to feel connected wherever I may be. Thank you for that!

I am also grateful for my partner, Robin. A very patient man. A very supportive man. During this round of my life, it is so nice to have someone to enjoy the journey with. Someone who wants to play with you, take part in adventures together with you. Not just as a one off- but all the time. Someone who is as committed to growth and achievement as you- having him part of my journey, making it our journey, makes the ride a lot more enjoyable. Someone to explore life with- the physical challenges and the mental ones. Thank you, Robin for being my partner in life.

So to share with you my insights as my world slows right down, here are a couple of notes on being grateful that I’ve come across in the past month as Gratefulness has an association with mental well-being, and seems to be the next craze beyond Mindfulness.

From Wikipedia in  regards to empirical studies of gratefulness (take from it what you will)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gratitude#Empirical_findings 

“A large body of recent^[when?] work has suggested that people who are more grateful have higher levels of subjective well-being. Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships.^[15][18][19] Specifically, in terms of depression, gratitude may serve as a buffer by enhancing the coding and retrievability of positive experiences.^[20] Grateful people also have higher levels of control of their environments, personal growth, purpose in life, and self acceptance.^[21] Grateful people have more positive ways of coping with the difficulties they experience in life, being more likely to seek support from other people, reinterpret and grow from experiences, and spend more time planning how to deal with the problem.^[22] Grateful people also have less negative coping strategies, being less likely to try to avoid the problem, deny there is a problem, blame themselves, or cope through substance use.^[22] Grateful people sleep better, and this seems to be because they think less negative and more positive thoughts just before going to sleep.”

So my thinking is, why wouldn't you want to be happier, less stressed and satisfied with life? Why not try gratefulness out for a while?

From the Todo Institute   http://www.todoinstitute.org/gratitude.html

“In Japanese language there is a term -- on.  The meaning of on often includes a sense of gratitude combined with a desire to repay others for what we have been given.  It’s not just that we feel grateful, or that we express our gratitude, but that we actually experience a sincere desire to give something back … A sense of obligation that arises naturally within us as we recognise how we have been supported and cared for by others.”

With that, I’d like to recognise the support lines in my life for allowing me to achieve what I have thus far and for being a part of my lifelong journey. Similarly to what I wrote in my last entry, “the rewarding aspects of going out  there and achieving (your) goals … is to share the experience and journey with those you love”.