It’s not only that this year has almost come to an end, giving us a chance to reflect upon the events from the last twelve months within our lives; it is that a whole decade is coming to a close. 10 years of our lives (10 years of this blog!).
I recognise that I am totally biased towards being someone who thinks that one should do more than exist, but I’d challenge those of you bumping along to ask yourself if you are happy with how you have lived the last year; last ten years? Are there aspects of your life that you feel you could have done a better job? Or taken a different approach? Would you be more content if you had? If you had that conversation? Taken that risk? Been that bit more vulnerable and open? Do you instead feel you are a victim of your circumstances? Do you have that “why me?” feeling?
Fair enough if you have taken the time to reflect and are perfectly content within your comfort zone. That is a choice, as well and one that works for many. However, if you look back and recognise that you could have/ should have done more, or something, or differently, then I’ve got a challenge for you.
Make this next decade count!
Effectively these next paragraphs of call to action are going to be a collection of sayings accumulated in my past 10 years of reflection and experience. I’m sure there is some quoting credit that is meant to be done; however, this fondue-pot of experience has assimilated, thus apologies in advance. Here it goes.
“What’s the worst that can happen?”.
Well, in my full reality and in some situations, you might die, but I’d challenge most of you to rationally recognise that actually dying in pursuit of your own personal challenge will not kill you. And for those of you who are on a pursuit of more of an extreme goal or endeavour, where the risk of death is actual, then there are ways to mitigate the risk through thorough preparation. Please take the time to be thoroughly prepared, for when the worst happens.
“What’s the worst that can happen?”, in regards to taking a risk in leaving your job, speaking to that person you’ve been avoiding, taking control of your health, etc, etc, does not likely have a chance of death. Perhaps instead there is a chance of rejection, or too large of an effort, or failure of some sort, but you will still be alive the next day to try something else, or go back to your old ways, if that suits you better. What is important though, is that you tried. You don't get what you don't ask for. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... okay, that one is Gretzky for sure.
Our minds naturally catastrophise to the worst possible outcome we can imagine, usually humiliation or rejection, but what is so bad about that? It sucks to feel rejected or ashamed, but that is a momentary reaction. You can choose to not feel that way. So what if someone doesn’t like you? There are over 7 billion people in this world, I’m sure there is someone out there who thinks you’re awesome. YOU should think YOU are awesome without needing that validation from others. Find your self-worth. Value your self.
Or, so what if that diet/ exercise/ communication style didn’t work for you? Try another approach. Why not try a completely different approach, rather than more of the same? Someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It’s likely that if you are continuously disappointed with the outcome, you are probably going through the same recipe, just trying different ingredients. Why not try a different WAY instead? Stop being a serial complainer and be brave enough to have happiness and contentment in your life. Be brave enough to do it a different way.
I can share that a different outlook and approach has certainly helped me grow and progress... after getting fed up of the same outcome, after “trying to change”, I actually took the time to listen to other perspectives.
What?!?
My way isn’t always the best way?!
Well, if you are someone who likes to challenge, then you can only be a good challenger by accepting that there are other ways to get to the goal. Try it on. See how it feels? Stick with it for a period long enough to decipher if this other way is a better way, or not. Challenge back on experience rather than the hypothetical.
Are you being your best self?
A great friend of mine said you should trade upwards in your relationships. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so what circles are you swimming in? Are you swimming at all? Metaphorically? Like are you on the observation deck or in the pool? And physically? In the script of Mr. Robot: are you a 1 or a 0? Are you a doer or not?
Okay, so I’m not quite ready to jump on the triathlon bandwagon, but if I keep hanging out with people who are, I’m sure I’ll be doing my own swimming... well, maybe in another decade. The point is, I am hanging out with people who want more, have more, have goals, want more than where they are today. More physicality, more enjoyment, more out of life!
What is also important is that the circles I am attracted to are also grateful! Glass-half-full-love-lifers. Please don’t mistake my ambition and drive for dissatisfaction about my circumstances. Robin once asked me what am I grateful for, and it was easy to answer: I’m grateful to be born where I was, when I was, in the family I have. Everything that I am now is growth from those relatively affluent (compared to the rest of the world) circumstances.
Visit a third world country more than once in your life if you feel like your life is too hard. Heck, visit the inner city of wherever you currently live and empathise with those who have less. If you have, sometimes being your best self is helping those who have not in whatever capacity that resonates strongest with you.
Make it personal. Make it real.
If you’re not enlisted to the core, what’s the point? Goals become successes when you’re enlisted; living and breathing whatever betterment you are trying to achieve. Don’t let your goals become tasks or just another item on your to-do list that you will get around to. I recognise I am preaching about making goals (another great friend told me I am addicted to goal setting which I completely accept), but your goals don’t need to be lofty, Nobel Prize winning efforts. Rather, they are personal commitments to making your life a little better, or maybe different. Robin used to make three goals a year: one for his relationships, one for his well-being, and one massive challenge. Start small with something you know you are likely to achieve. Achievement feels nice... don't you want to feel a little more warm and fuzzy?
Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start: be a better listener, learn about and practice empathy, stop judging people.
Make your to-do list and goals real.
If it’s in your head, it doesn’t exist. Once it’s written, or spoken to another, then it’s real. Make your goals real. Make your thoughts real. Make your opinions real. Stop living in your own reality and realise that you are not alone... even if you are super introverted and wish you were alone. I’d like to challenge (as an experienced introvert and introvert whisperer), that even if those moments where you truly need to be alone are numerous, they are not the only moments of your life. You are 1 in 7 (ish) billion, mull over that.
Share the goal.
Share the journey.
Share the experience.
You are not the only one this has happened to. You are not the only one thinking the way you are. Your thoughts are not original (heard from Tony Robbins) Perhaps you helping others, being your better or best self, is sharing your experience to help others with their journey.
So what’s it going to be?
What page do you chose to turn to?
How will you be different? Or better? Or even the best you can be? In whichever facet of your life that might be.
Make this next decade count!
P.S.
If you feel like you need a bit of support in setting goals, message me and we can chat!
P.P.S:
And in the spirit of sharing and making it real, here are some of my goals for the next year to kick-off the decade:
- get my 6-Star Medal (follow me on Instagram @xtynspix
- Run the Everest Marathon (and get closure Nepal). You can join me in Nepal for the trek to Everest Base Camp, and/or to run the marathon if you are that way inclined)... message me for details at kristyncarriere@hotmail.com
- Launch 7 Summits Snacks: my legacy chocolate-snacking company inspired in part by Robin’s endeavours. Done with two other fabulous women, Christine and my sister, Leanna. Website and dedicated write up coming soon. Follow us on Instagram @7summitsnacks
