Just over two years ago, I decided upon my next big challenge.
About one year ago, I dove even deeper into that challenge, and despite hardships, moved beyond the half-way point. I decided to keep going rather than stop.
Just over one year ago, a decision was made that changed the course of my life.
Just over four months ago, Robin also made a decision to keep going.
Just over one year ago, a decision was made that changed the course of my life.
Just over four months ago, Robin also made a decision to keep going.
How far is too far?
I laugh to myself at the thought of the quote and that question as a response, as I’m reminded by an inside joke or bit of banter we used to share: “it’s a fine line, Kristyn, a fine line...”.
This was usually discussed in regards to an athlete missing out on their gold medal by a thousandth of a second or the threat of missing a connecting train on a usual commute between Birmingham and Brussels, but never to actually discuss the possibility of pushing beyond the physical limit of a literal no return.
We certainly both liked to push our boundaries or even to push THE boundaries, and risks were always calculated or fairly contemplated. Risk assessing the boundaries is a useful, and rational exercise, but I’m still left wondering what “too far” means. I suspect “too far” has a large cost to it of sorts: financial, physical, and/ or emotional, but still, a large cost is a debatable term. Is “too far” a cost on your expenses? Your comfort? Or your actual life?
What does T. S. Eliot mean in his quote? Oh no 🙄, not meaning again.
I believe the general consensus around this quote would agree that “too far” would suggest existing somewhere beyond your comfort zone, yet perhaps not facing death. Or perhaps that’s me hopefully projecting for the sake of humanity.
Or rather, shall we focus on the meaning of the word risk instead? Is to risk to take a chance, thus inviting an element of fate? Is risk-taking tackling known hurdles? Is it a quantified and calculated cost, again, physical, emotional, and/ or financial?
In any case, to take a risk is to make a decision and set you on your path. Being on a path supposes that you have purpose, and you all know how much of a fan of having purpose I am.
So what were these decisions? And what is my purpose these days?
Just over two years ago, I decided upon my next big challenge:
After finishing the Berlin Marathon Oct 1, 2017, I decided to commit to going after my 6-Star Medal. The 6-Star Medal is awarded to those who have completed all six of the World Marathon Major runs: Berlin, Boston, Chicago, London, New York, and Tokyo. In choosing goals for the next couple of years, my thoughts teetered between trekking another peak (Elbrus) or ticking off these marathons. With my age, general running ability, and requirement to qualify for Boston, thus considering my current fitness and ability together, I thought that I better get these marathons done before I start a family, because I certainly don’t want to train this hard when I have munchkins.
About one year ago, I dove even deeper into that challenge, and despite hardships, moved beyond the halfway point. I decided to keep going rather than stop.
As this goal of obtaining the 6-Star Medal contains running the Boston Marathon, which you can only enter if you run a certain (fast-ish) time, I thought I would use the Chicago Marathon in 2018 to get my Boston place. If I didn’t get my time then, I would surely get it 4 weeks later when I ran the New York City marathon. Or that was the plan. After running Berlin, having a few hard months personally, and in training for the Chicago and New York Marathons (Stars 3 and 4), I depleted everything I had physically.
In the spring of 2018, I found myself napping as soon as I got home from work, feeling absolutely bagged during running, and clocking heart rates on my usual long runs of an upwards of 170 bpm (long run heart rates should be less than 150bpm). I had been getting routine blood work done anyways for another minor issue, and as I was training to get faster at running, some strange results kept surfacing… through broken English and Franglais (I was in Brussels at the time), I continuously paid the doctor 100 Euros for 10 minutes of his time to tell me I was getting rhabdomylosis from exercising.
During the first consultation, the doctor told me to run less, so I tried to relax on my long runs, but kept up the speed-work. The second consultation, after the marker levels increased, he told me with concern to run less again, so instead I went to see a dietitian and kept running the same. Insert quote here about insanity= repeating the same patterns over again and expecting a different result. After the third consultation, my marker levels slightly decreased (the dietitian helped me out, but doubted her measuring instrument when it repeatedly reported that I had the muscle quality of an elderly person), he was firmly telling me not to run more than 40 minutes, two times a week. By then my coach Leanna switched up my training sessions forcing me to buy a one piece swimsuit for my new running method in the pool so that I would be able to keep training and get my butt around these upcoming marathons.
When you Dr Google rhabdo effects, you get answers such as: Rhabdomylosis a serious syndrome due to a direct or indirect muscle injury. It results from the death of muscle fibers and release of their contents into the bloodstream. It results in acute renal failure. In reading this, many people might have thrown in the towel and rightfully deferred their races until the following year. The point is, I decided to take a risk and keep training, although in an adjusted way, and also partake in the marathons. I read what I could to understand what might actually be happening to my body, decided that it was serious, but low level enough (not likely to result in death), so continued on my quest for these stars.
Circling back to Mr Eliot, I found out that pool running isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, that I can run a decent marathon time, or two, (3:47, 3:49) with limited training, and that I can run two marathons in a month of each other. I found new limits and realizations within myself, which absolutely set me up for what 2019 had in store for me.
Just over one year ago, a decision was made that changed the course of my life.
I can’t talk about the Chicago Marathon without thinking of Robin. It was this weekend, October 5th, perhaps, that Dan Mazur of Summit Climb made the decision to take Robin on his Everest expedition team. Robin was in. His dream to climb Everest was on. When he opened that e-mail and shared it with me, it would be one of those moments that you remember for the rest of your life.
I can’t talk about the Chicago Marathon without thinking of Robin. It was this weekend, October 5th, perhaps, that Dan Mazur of Summit Climb made the decision to take Robin on his Everest expedition team. Robin was in. His dream to climb Everest was on. When he opened that e-mail and shared it with me, it would be one of those moments that you remember for the rest of your life.
Just over four months ago, Robin also made a decision to keep going.
He certainly risked going too far and found out how far he could go.
He certainly risked going too far and found out how far he could go.
I share this story because I believe this T. S. Eliot quote is often too loosely quoted, or perhaps I am now hypersensitive to its sentiment. I am certainly not advocating a life without risk or challenging your personal boundaries. The broader purpose in my life is the decision to keep moving forward, onwards, and upwards; the decision to live a challenge-ful life keeps me going. Rather I would challenge those of you who use this quote as an excuse, to consider the full impact, beyond yourself, of your decisions. Contrarily, discovering how far one can go IS a personal endeavour which should be pursued without having to be defended. You choose because it’s in your heart. You choose because you choose. You choose (hopefully) with purpose.
My choices, decisions, and purpose for 2020 remain on track from what I set out to accomplish in 2017: go after my 6-Star Medal.
I survived the chaos which is trying to enter the Tokyo Marathon via the charity placement scheme, and have donated 100,000 yen to Plan International to help girls run in developing countries, have access to education, and say “NO” to early forced marriage. The marathon is March 1, 2020.
And if that wasn’t enough, the actual risk I am taking is to enter the Everest Marathon on May 29, 2020. Three marathons in two months, and I thought I’d try my first trail race starting at 5300m of elevation where the course tracks from Everest Base Camp to Namche Bazaar. This was actually something that Robin and I joked about taking part in, and as it will be shortly after a year of his passing, I thought it to be the most fitting tribute I could offer him.
If you are personally interested in exploring what your “too far” might be, then I invite you to take part and join this epic trek with me. You certainly don’t need to run the marathon, as I will also encourage you to trek through this special region of Nepal to Everest Base Camp. I have put together an itinerary and have a company lined up to make all of the arrangements in Nepal. Please message me (kristyncarriere@hotmail.com) if you are interested in joining.
Otherwise, I leave you with another quote from T. S. Eliot if you are feeling as though you are searching for your purpose:
1 comment:
Whilst I would love to trek out with you and honour Robin it's simply not going to be possible. But I will be with you in spirit every step of the way xxx
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